In my post about the six adventurous activities I did on my honeymoon, I mentioned that I wore a bikini with my ostomy pouch out, completely visible, and I want to expand on this.

My Plan for the Hot Springs

My plan had been to wear my bikini bathing suit, with my ostomy pouch out for the world to see, when we went to the hot springs on our first night in Costa Rica.  I should mention that while I advocate for living a positive life with an ostomy, I don’t often wear my ostomy pouch out in public. I do sometimes where crop top shirts and high waisted bottoms and sometimes you can see the baseplate adhesive when I lift my arms up, but that’s usually the extent of the visibility of my ostomy.

This would be the first time I “let it all hang out” surrounding myself with a bunch of strangers.  I wanted to do it to prove to myself that I could, and because I was curious if anyone would say anything. Also, for some reason it felt “safer” to go out on a limb while I was on vacation and I was already in “do things that are at or beyond your comfort zone” mode. So my agreement with myself was that I’d just wear it out for that one evening, surrounded by strangers.

Last Minute Stage Fright

What I didn’t anticipate, was that we would make friends on the hike we’d embarked on prior and that I would be in the locker room changing right next to a girl who was no longer a stranger, and then spending the rest of the evening with her and her husband. Suddenly I had stage fright. I took a deep breath, continued our conversation and began changing into my bathing suit just like I might have in any other awkward locker room experience.  I hadn’t brought a backup bathing suit anyway so I really didn’t have a choice, and I’m glad, because I would be kicking myself if I’d chickened out at the last minute.

She didn’t stare. She didn’t ask any questions. She didn’t say anything or even acknowledge that I looked different from her in any way.  

My legs were shaking from anxiety as we made our way to out of the locker room to meet our husbands and get in the water. I gave myself a silent pep talk, “Fake it til you make it, you’ve got this. Deep breaths. It’s only a big deal if you make it a big deal. You’ll be in the water soon and it’ll be underwater and out of sight. Walk with confidence. I am confident.”

And then we were in the hot springs, deep in conversation and my anxiety began to melt away.  We moved from pool to pool trying to find the hottest ones and had a fun, relaxing evening. Our new friends didn’t treat me any differently.  I noticed one person who I felt like might have been curious about what was on my abdomen, but no one said anything to me. It was such an anticlimactic experience and for that I am grateful. They even took some photos of my husband and me with their GoPro since we’d left our phones in the lockers for most of the evening.

Why I Wouldn’t Wear my Ostomy Pouch Out Again

Would I do it again? No, probably not. Having my pouch contained to my body is not just to hide it from other people, it’s to provide comfort for me.  Being in the water, my pouch felt like it wanted to just float away. I worried that a current could pull it in the wrong direction and separate the two pieces. Since I’m used to having something holding it close to my body to support the weight, it felt heavy when it was filling up and we were out of the water. And, if it had been day time I would have been worried about getting a sunburn around my baseplate.  So for me it just doesn’t really make sense to wear my ostomy pouch out unsupported, especially when swimming.

Have you worn your pouch out for the world to see?  Why do/don’t you?